America: The Story of Us

I so desperately wanted this program to be decent.

Is it decent? If you’re looking for “remastered” footage, yes, it’s decent. The presentation pace is also good. The images have been retouched a bit to get rid of the CCD blowout and other film artifacts of the era and the colors absolutely pop.

The problem is the content is crap.

The last episode supposed that a slave (Onesimus) taught his master how to inoculate against smallpox, and they make this a Guns Germs and Steel type argument for how slaves kicked off modern medicine. Unfortunately that master was none other than Cotton Mather – who was very likely either a liar or batshit crazy and he was the lead figure in the prosecution for the Salem Witch Trials.

I’m sorry, I’m watching this program going “are you serious”? There’s a big difference between inoculation and variolation. The former being invented by Edward Jenner working with the cowpox virus and involves pus for a much lesser chance of infection and the latter being practised in China and India which involved transferring the infected tissue wholesale from one person to another. When you go to the doctor, he doesn’t have meat cut off a corpse he’s trying to sell you – he has a needle.

Variolation against smallpox was invented by the Chinese or Indians somewhere around 1400AD. This is recorded history, you can look it up. The Song Dynasty encountered smallpox through trade and the Emperor lost his next in lineage to the disease. He summoned the entire Chinese medical community to the city to figure out how to prevent it from wiping out the dynasty. Your gross fact of the day is that the Chinese did not make a wound and infect it with scabs, they actually crushed up the scabs and mainlined them like so much blow. Smallpox – right to the lungs!

The Montegus brought the Variolation practise out of the Ottoman Empire, where they referred to it as engrafting. Think about that. Grafting the meat.

However, the program makes no distinction between the methods of fighting smallpox, completely ignores the Chinese and Indian medicines who were doing it for literally thousands of years before America and tries to sell you a lie. Maybe we’re all victims of oversimplication here but I really think that a channel called the History Channel should know its…. history.

Cops in Snow

God I love our local police. Stupid cop pulls me over tonight. “It’s a SNOW EMERGENCY!” I explained I was out getting baby food and I didn’t want to be out here either. He says it’s a BAJILLION DOLLAR fine if I get stuck and he’s going to be nice and cut me loose. “Don’t get stuck!” From behind me I heard the wheels spinning on the cruiser. I leaned out the window – “Officer, DON’T GET STUCK HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA”